Embracing Internet Apathy

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As someone who spent the first half of their life with no internet, I was surprised to feel the stark absence of it the minute it was gone. Like any other addiction, it escalated over time. Exponentially, the internet, specifically social media, has become the way we interact.

A couple of weeks ago I wondered what would happen if I just shut it down. What if I didn’t post my latest sketch? What if it didn’t text my remote friends or respond to some comments? Would anyone even notice?

What if I embraced the way I lived the first 20 years of my life? What if I pretended like it was 1993 and sat on the porch listening to the wind or watching the rain? What if I went outside and had a catch with my son and didn’t tell anyone?

So I did. I got out of bed and went downstairs, leaving my phone on DND. I sat on the couch and watched as the cats came to greet me. They made their little chirrups and climbed on my lap.

Suddenly, I could breathe.

In the following days, I didn’t need anything I didn’t already have right in front of me. I made art but didn’t post it. I took pictures of cats but did nothing with them. I took my daughter to lacrosse and walked around the school. When I got up in the morning, I wrote in a journal or sat there and drank coffee. That’s it.

It was FUCKING MAGICAL. In no time I relaxed and stopped caring about anything happening outside of my home.

When Peter Gibbons gets hypnotized in Office Space, he stops going to work. When the non-sucky Michael Bolton asks what he did, he responds, “Nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be.”

I’m realistic enough to realize I can’t hide under a rock for the rest of my life. I have kids to raise who are going to have to deal with life in this interconnected, ever-intrusive world. However, I also realize I don’t have to be a constant participant.

To me, the way we interact feels…mechanical. Manufactured. Cold. It’s all about numbers and AI and algorithms. It’s like the difference between incandescent light and LED light. While LED light gets the job done, it feels bad. Fake, even. It’s manufactured and efficient, but cold and meaningless. Real connection and being present in your own life is warm and rich and critical to our health.

I’m grateful to be in a place where I don’t need to grow a following. I don’t need “likes” to make a living. I don’t need to sell subscriptions or grow my online business. I don’t resent people who are trying to make a living selling their art or writing, but I also steer clear of anyone who seems desperate. There are so many thirsty people screaming for attention to try and sell themselves, and it feels like the antithesis of following our passions.

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When I first heard the term “internet apathy” I was intrigued, but it doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. The idea is that it makes people less empathetic because they interact through a screen rather than in person. The opposite of empathy isn’t apathy, though. It's not that I don't have empathy, it's that I don't care what's happening online because it's not real. What we see daily is a spoon-fed, filtered, curated, twisted version of reality.

Someone told me about a specific kind of internet apathy known as Gen X Internet Apathy, which is essentially that Gen X knows what it’s like to have the internet and not. We have grown with it and learned to leverage it when we need to, but it’s not necessarily the way we live. I’m all for this. I love knowing how to detach from it, and it has to be a conscious act because the systems are designed to keep us jacked in.

The way I felt during my week off was well worth the effort. The peace I felt and the extra time I had was no different than when I quit drinking.

I embraced boredom, which we’ve forgotten about completely. We’re sold a story about how we need to be constantly productive or entertained or sold something when we really just need to be in our own lives for a bit.

We’re going on a family trip to the western US tomorrow morning. I’m tuning in to my life and my family before it’s too late. I won’t be plugged in this trip. I’ll take a few pictures, but I won’t be a slave to the camera or the phone. I’m embracing this version of internet apathy. I don’t care if you follow, subscribe, block, ignore, or even notice me because none of that matters. What matters is the people we love and the ones we see every day.

Tomorrow, I’m going to pretend it’s 1988 and I don’t have anyone but the people I’m with.

May the force be with you.